All About Boundaries
Boundaries are important. Healthy boundaries can lead to healthier relationships with others, and certainly, with yourself. However, establishing boundaries is much harder than it sounds. Often, we try to make other people happy and care for them more than we are able to. In some instances it is our personal knack for over-extending, other times it can be an unhealthy aspect of people-pleasing; the reasons behind poor boundaries are bountiful. Sometimes without firm boundaries people knowingly (and unknowingly) take advantage. By setting boundaries, we clearly define what we allow ourselves and others to do within the limits of what is healthy for us.
Its ok to set boundaries
Most people challenge boundary settings by suggesting it is selfish. This implies that the person taking advantage of you is entitled to your free time, mental head space or whatever boundary they are overstepping. Boundaries are supposed to be there to protect you; they are an act of self-love and and improvement. You are taking care of yourself by setting boundaries and there is nothing selfish about putting your mental health first. Another reason people are scared to set boundaries is out of concern of retaliation, abandonment or confrontation. Again, boundaries exist to protect you and if a fight ensues regarding a boundary that will help your mental health, the relationship should be reexamined as it may not be as healthy as suspected.
Figure out what the boundaries should be
A lot of the times we know there is a problem, we just don’t know what the problem is. If you believe poor boundaries are the issue, but are unsure exactly where the boundary (or lack there of) lies, it is helpful to make a list. Focus on one person at a time and ask yourself in what ways you would like to be treated and how you would not like to be treated. If you feel exhausted because your friend has you driving them home late at night after choir practice, even though they have a car and don’t want to spend money on gas, and as a result you feel taken advantage of-write that down! By knowing where to stand firm, it will help you clearly define the boundary. The focus should be on making yourself a healthier person by eliminating things that perhaps create a negative impact on your life.
Boundaries may not be permanent
A boundary could be established so that you focus on that you need in the here and now. Needs are flexible. Boundaries can be re-examined and changed based on what best suits you. However, it is important to be honest with yourself. If you find yourself changing your boundaries frequently, you have to ask, are moving the boundary for yourself or doing it for someone else? Boundaries only work if you stay firm with what helps your wellness the most.
How boundaries help
Sometimes establishing boundaries just means saying “no” and by doing so, we start to gain more confidence. We can gain self-respect, as well as respect from those around us. We become more understanding of what we are capable of, and what our limits are. We improve our communication and social skills by speaking up for what is best for our mental health. And certainly, by establishing boundaries, we allow ourselves the space to flourish and grow by gaining self awareness and knowledge of our strengths.
https://psychcentral.com/lib/the-importance-of-personal-boundaries#1
https://myonlinetherapy.com/what-are-boundaries-and-why-are-they-important/
